I know you can't read this, but I so wish you will.

by Jec Chua

I hate to say this, but someone whom I used to call my friend just volunteered her self to become my enemy and I am accepting the challenge.

I know, this is quite childish, and I am not that type -who would engage into this kind of "I really hate you, we hate each other" set-up with any one, most specially to those whom I consider my friends. But since I was forced to do so, and to at least up hold my pride as a sane individual who pratices the value of respect, specifically the value of self respect, I would love to take my part in this hatred relationship you silently proposed.

I really don't know what's your problem (enemy) and I have no idea what exactly you are going through since you have not given me any chance to know what exactly went wrong, because everytime I'm reaching for you, you keep pushing me away. I believe it's just -not to waste my scarce time trying to analyze what's happening or am I really the one at fault in this frenzy self inflicted problem of yours. I have given you all the patience that I have, and whole heartedly tried to stay nice to you despite all the things you showed me that would always make me ill. I'm sick and tired of your attitude, and I can't stand you any more. You are the most horrible person I've met my whole life and I now regret the day I called you a friend.

You've been really special to me, and it pains me every time I realize that at some point in my life, you've made me feel that you've always been true to me and treated me equally or some how, as close as how special you've been to me -that now lost it's gravity to you -that I'm now just an ordinary someone to you, or worst I transformed into this somebody you hate the most.

I won't play dumb, for I know the reason why you started to be this person to me, pestering my life even though technically you are non-existent any more in my day to day living. Maybe, just maybe if I am right with my assumptions, I should apologize. Not because I'm admitting I've done you wrong, but out of my respect to you as my ex-close friend and as a person, I apologize if I'm hurting you. I guess, some things are bound to happen and things happen for a reason. The only thing that was wrong in this set up is the fact that maybe we saw the same light, that both of us, unconciously desired but unfortunately you wouldn't want to share specially to me, and it bites that we can never really share such light, we can't, we just can't.

I'm dying crazy, paranoid and heart-broken because of you. But since you want it. Let's end it. I don't want to be a friend to you anymore.